Easier to Run
by BlackRose16
Summary: The reason why Kaiba is so absorbed with his work. * One-shot*


BlackRose:  Who woulda figured I'd write a song fic, eh?   Oh well.  Since Bakura's a tad hung up at the moment (although he said he hated the Pharaoh) Malik, couldya do the disclaimer, puh-lease? 

Malik:  Tiffany no own Linkin Park, one of the best bands in the world, or Yu-Gi-Oh, although if she did own the latter, it would have a shit load of gore, yaoi, and angst.  ON WITH THE FICCIE!  

*~*~*~*+*+*+* 

Seto Kaiba rubbed his tired eyes as he went through blueprint after blueprint.  It was well into the night, and he still continued to fight sleep and go over his designs for the new pods.  If he went to bed now, when he wasn't on the verge of exhaustion, those memories would resurface.  They always haunted him whenever he had free time.  But if he were too busy tinkering with a new invention, those memories would lie dormant.         

*+* It's easier to run  
  


Replacing this pain with something numb  
  


It's so much easier to go  
  


Than face all this pain here all alone *+*  

Oh, how he hid it so well on the outside.  As soon as he was out where the public's eye could see him, up the mask went, that icy 'I don't give a shit now go away' facade kicking in.  No one was there to bear witness to Seto Kaiba hugging his knees tight, face pale, tears streaming down his cheeks as memories of his past swam around in his head.  

*+* Something has been taken  
  


From deep inside of me  
  


A secret I've kept locked away  
  


No one can ever see  
  


Wounds so deep they never show   
  


They never go away  
  


Like moving pictures in my head  
  


For years and years they've played *+*

If only there were a way to make everything he had done wrong right; stop himself from making that one mistake that had caused himself and Mokuba so much pain.  If he could only stop himself from challenging Gozaburo to that damn chess match…then the hell that followed wouldn't have happened in the first place.  It was his own fault that they had gone through the pain.  The heavy load that weighed on his heart from this realization was his burden and his alone to carry. 

*+* If I could change I would   
  


Take back the pain I would  
  


Retrace every wrong move that I made I would   
  


If I could  
  


Stand up and take the blame I would  
  


If I could take all the shame to the grave I would *+*  

Then the thing that came next, after those months of abuse…that night Seto finally lost it.  He killed his own stepfather.   Every time he saw the scars that marred his pale skin, he was reminded of having his pride wrenched from him, those dark nights full of pain that followed.  There was a small scar on his arm from a shard of glass that had cut it when the window shattered from Gozaburo's weight.  That was forever a reminder of the dirty deed he had committed.  That deed that forever weighed on his conscious.  Of course, it didn't help that there were several other murders afterwards.  Those of the people who were too nosy for their own good; too close to the truth.  Memories of his corrupted childhood forever chased him; no matter how fast he ran.  He was slowly backing up to the edge of the cliff; the edge of his sanity.  How he wished he could just erase those horrible recollections of his shattered childhood, just forget them and leave them behind.  

*+* Sometimes I remember  
  


The darkness of my past   
  


Bringing back these memories   
  


I wish I didn't have  
  


Sometimes I think of letting go  
  


And never looking back  
  


And never moving forward so   
  


There would never be a past *+*  

So he buried himself in his work.  To hide from the memories, pretend they never existed and go on being the cold-hearted bastard known as Seto Kaiba.  Every morning, once he awoke, he would take a scalding hot shower to wash away the memories and nightmares that had tortured him the night before and walk out of his bedroom, that icy mask he wore slipping just enough to show his brother the affection he himself had been deprived of.  

*+* Just washing it aside  
  


All of the helplessness inside  
  


Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
  


Is so much simpler than change *+* 

Then to work he went, where he could hide from his unforgiving past.  A new cut appeared on his arm every morning as well, hidden perfectly under business suits and trench coats.  The physical pain of having his skin sliced open by the fine blade of a razor was ecstasy, yet another way to escape the pain in his heart and mind.   

*+* It's easier to run  
  


Replacing this pain with something numb  
  


It's so much easier to go  
  


Than face all this pain here all alone *+*  

He knew there was no way to change the past…despite how much he wished he could.  Just take an eraser and make the haunting memories disappear.  Make Seto Kaiba die with the memories, change back to the Seto that he should be.  Somehow travel back in time and make things right.  No.  That was impossible.  He would never change, no matter how much he hated his life and the turns it had taken.  

*+* If I could change I would   
  


Take back the pain I would  
  


Retrace every wrong move that I made I would   
  


If I could  
  


Stand up and take the blame I would  
  


I would take all my shame to the grave *+*

Review.  

  
  
  



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